The blog of BaggieAggie, designer of bags, gadget cases and other fabulous accessories handmade in Wales. Sprinkled with recipes, gardening chat, the odd piece of short fiction, and anything else that inspires (or annoys!) me. So pull up a comfy chair and stay a while.


Monday, 12 July 2010

Water Is Fattening


Mum says water is fattening –
she heard it on daytime TV.
I’m sure she must have misunderstood
so I tell her I disagree.
But she gives a loud disdainful sniff
and says she knows she’s right –
eight glasses of water a day
are making her hips look a fright.

I mention her love of Dundee cake
and her passion for full-fat cheese,
then remind her how much she adores clotted cream
but she protests, “Now, darling, please.
They’re little treats I have now and then
and I’m sure they can’t possibly matter.
It’s water I ought to cut down on now
because that’s what’s making me fatter.”

I go to her fridge for milk (full fat)
as Mum brews up the tea,
and there upon the second shelf down
I see Stilton, Cheddar and Brie.
Not tiny portions for one, of course –
they would feed her street for weeks.
And when I spot the fresh-cream eclairs
a blush spreads over her cheeks.
“I normally only buy one box
but three-for-the-price-of-two
was Tesco’s generous offer today
so what else could I do...?”

“But the ‘Use by’ date is today, Mum –
are the neighbours invited to tea?”
“Good God, no! Eclairs are my favourites –
I’m saving them all for me.
Don’t worry, I’ve worked out a clever plan
so I can eat them all at once:
If I give up water completely today,
I know I won’t put on an ounce.”

© Rosie Rose